candsmon related a lesson learned in her story about her piano recital, and it got me thinking. I found my self feeling very angry and victimized by two episodes recently, the one I ranted on previously involving my dad, and another more recently with my ex. Anger comes up so easily in certain situations, and it really takes a lot of "work" for me to "stay down". I rationalize and rationalize, but I have to write it down and read and contemplate for quite awhile before I can see where the irrationality of my initial reaction comes.
What do I have to gain by holding on to this reaction? I know on an intellectual level that I cannot change anyone, "They are...(who they are)". Any perception I have of them is not them, it's really me. Is it a sick attempt on my part to validate myself and invalidate others? Is it my inability to forgive significant others for not being perfect? Is it because I think they are inconsiderate bastards and should be hung even though they are not bastards, just acting in inconsiderate ways?
Clearly this is a place where I get stuck. Like roadwork, there are three choices...detour, turn back or wait for the workers to get out of the way. I suppose if I wait long enough, everyone will get out of the way. In the meantime, I'll work on the detour.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment